My little preemie

This is the very first photo I have of my son. He was born at 32 weeks. My due date is July 1, 2011 but I was admitted in the hospital on May 5, 2011 and 5 days later (05.10.2011) gave birth to my first son. GODRIC KRISTIAN SANER B. GARGALLO

He had to stay in the hospital for 1 month and 3 days. around 3 and half weeks in NICU and a week in nursery. He weighs 2kg then and 45cm long - quite big for a premature as per our doctor.


He has a weak lungs so he had to be under ventilation for more than a week and under medication. At an early stage he was diagnose with pneumonia, a slight jaundice - hence the blue light, and PDA - patent ductus arteriosus ( hahaha! i don't even know how to pronounce this, so for more info search the net =P ). It was a roller coaster ride and I don't want to get into the details of our experience ( i have talk about a million times ) it was the lowest one can get with my hormones being so crazy : post natal depression is sure to hit - i blame myself, low self esteem, feeling lonely, feeling helpless, sad for no reason, all sorts.... I don't even know how my partner was able to handle all of this.

My son came home June 13, 2011 - a day when my heart finally calm down and my head started thinking again. And finally the day my partner Xtian was able to get a good night sleep and as for me, I didn't dare sleep I just watch my son sleep and breath all throughout the night. caressing him with all my love and feeding him carefully making sure I follow every advice.

He is now 14 mos and growing really fast, he's healthy now but the PDA is still there and may require operations that we are now saving up for. I don't want him to get an operations but the doctors insist that its important that this is done when he's ready and so far he is still growing so for now he is taking supplements for his heart.

My son is my life. he brought meaning to my own being and now i am scared to death - thinking of the day the doctors decide that its time for his operations. Everyone are thinking positively about this and keeps on telling me that he's healthy and he might overcome this after some time, but in my head are the word of his doctor that the hole in his arteries are too big for it to close on its own.

I am praying for a miracle.

I am praying for my son.